Monday, June 29, 2009

Better

I cried for many days and thinking about how I should act and what I should say to Mom and Achi and still couldn't figure out what was expected of me. I keep thinking that if I make the first move and call Mom up, they would get together again to talk about how I called and talked to Mom as if nothing happened - which was what they did the last time.

Parang kasalanan pa.

So I don't call them and they didn't call me. Stalemate, I guess. This is so not normal for us. Also, I was flying out to MA again to report to the office and she did not even ask if I was okay.

I figured, she probably does not care what happens to me so long as her precious other daughter and her grandkids are okay there on the other side. So I decided to let go. Ayoko na, crying can't be good.

I finally get a call on Friday night. Now, it's my turn to say "Mom called me up and talked to me, parang walang nangyari." Looks like we're back to normal now, at least w/ Mom.

Honestly, I still feel sore about the lying - but nothing is going to change that. I have come to realize that Mom & Achi have their secrets and they have this relationship going on and it's never going to be the same between Mom & me.

I still feel sore that Achi hasn't made any moves to talk to me yet and w/ her, I am adamant. I don't want to talk to her first. She lied to me and she betrayed me, so she should make the first move if she wants to talk. Kapatid kung sa kapatid but if she can go on w/o me, then surely, I can live w/o talking to her. I have never depended on her for anything in my life and I'm not about to start now.

Trust is a very serious thing with me, I'm sure that Sis would say otherwise and that she probably feels that she didn't do anything wrong but finding out that I can't trust my own sister was just a little bit short of devastating to me.

What do I expect ? Di ko alam.

What do I want ? A sincere apology that shows that she understands why I was upset and what she did wrong. Nothing more, nothing less.

3 comments:

Aris said...

I remember when I had a big fight with my sister din before, 6 months kaming di nagusap, nagmamatigasan (siyempre siya ang may kasalanan and I didn't want to forgive ;-) ), and we lived in the same room at the time... Eventually, di ko na rin matiis, we started talking and just pretended that nothing happened. The lost 6 months was a shame... But, time can be necessary to heal wounds nga... just try to not let pride get in the way...

popcorn said...

Thanks, Aris :)

YeahBaby said...

You'll be fine without any conversation with your sister for months. But there would come to an end-point where you guys would need to talk like "achi uuwe ako sa pinas" (or whereever she is) And it's like, parang walang nangyari. Or vice-versa.

Believe me. I really don't like my sister since childhood. But now, we're much closer after we both got married and have kids. Although it seems like kakampi nya yung sis-in-law nya (classmate ko before) sa pagsasabing mataba ako (sa likod nila ako tinitira, and pinagtatawanan ako nung sis-in-law nya na yun), naalala ko yung natutunan ko syo... be strong and don't let other people destroy your day dahil sa mga kung anu anong bagay... so whatever they say about me, about my husband, bahala sila sa buhay nila... for me, wala akong narinig.

i don't know what's happening to you now. I don't know if it's a common family argument. pero i guess darating yung panahon na mahihimasmasan ka na. And when she starts talking to you, of about anything, you'll feel relieved and you won't even need a "sorry".

parang walang nangyari =)


berryblitz/marilou lim ito. tamad na ako mag sign out sa isa kong account hehe