I tried my hand at snooping today and I found some things that I wasn't supposed to know and I'm not too happy about it. In retrospect, I shouldn't have persisted in finding out anymore.
I feel like Pandora right now. I couldn't resist the box full of secrets and I just had to open it. Unfortunately, like Pandora, I released some bad stuff along with the good and as much as I regret what I've done, there's nothing I can do. And even more unfortunate, is that unlike Pandora, I see no sign of Hope.
My Mom's famous words come to mind (when she's caught in a lie or when she finds that she cannot explain herself) - "Tapos na, wag na nating pag-usapan." How I would like to be able to do that and stop remembering and stop thinking. But I can't.
Among the revelations I found out is that my family - specifically, Mom and my sister - still persist in lying to me. It's kind of funny in a perverted suwail-na-anak sort of way, how I kept on baiting Mom and she kept on denying it when all along, I already knew the answer and had proof that she was lying.
In fairness, Mom's good, she stood by her statement (lies though they were). Nag-iyakan na at lahat (well, I mostly did the crying), pinanindigan pa rin nya. Oh, how I wanted to shove the truth up her face but as I've learned from previous experience, that never works.
I'm not saying that Mom was a bad mother. She was one of the best providers, if not *THE* best. She's done and sacrificed everything that she can to give me a good future but she does have her faults. I hate to sound like an ingrate but, recession woes aside, this is just one of those times when money isn't good enough - I would rather have her honesty than cash. Minsan kasi feeling ko she's trying to pay me off. It's like she knows that she's deceiving me and feels like she owes me.
Nakaka-loko lang that she persists in lying and I know all along that she was lying. It's so demeaning.
Anyway, as with the rest of my angst that should most probably remain hidden, dito ko na lang ilalabas. If Mom & Sis see this, then so be it. Fate siguro. If they don't, then sige, magplastikan na lang kami in the meantime.
Mom, you're such a drama queen. I know I am too because it's obviously in my genes as I can't help being my mother's daughter.